


The Mommy Quandary

by jay_girl88



Series: Mother Material [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Always-a-girl!Tony Stark, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers Family, BAMF Clint Barton, BAMF Phil Coulson, BAMF Steve Rogers, BAMF Tony Stark, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Genderbending, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Maria Stark's Good Parenting, Mentions of past abuse, Possessive Steve Rogers, Protective Bruce Banner, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Protective Phil Coulson, Protective Steve Rogers, Superfamily, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 09:15:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18385472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jay_girl88/pseuds/jay_girl88
Summary: "Fury and Coulson’s eyes were on her, but Toni couldn’t remove her gaze from where her boyfriend was already excitedly reminiscing with the man he knew as his old friend.Was this karma for all the times that she’d hooked and booked with guys specifically chosen to piss Howard off? It had to be."~*~*~*~When Howard Stark is somehow thrown into the future, Toni has to figure out a way to keep her longtime boyfriend from finding out just why she hated his old friend, keep her adopted not-son Peter away from the abusive older Stark, and find a way to send the man back without letting him glean too much about the future, all while watching Steve bro-bond with her dear old dad and reminding people that she was not remotely mother material so everyone just stop encouraging Peter to call her Mommy, damn it!Piece of cake.





	The Mommy Quandary

**Author's Note:**

> As in the tags, this is set in an alternate universe! This has no connection to the events in the MCU, or the events in Earth-3490. It exists happily in a universe in my own head, where Tony Stark was born Antonietta Stark and none of this nastiness with Civil War and Accords and Infinity War and Thanos ever happened, and the Avengers are all one happy family in the tower, tra-la-lalalala...

Toni Stark was not Mother Material. 

And yes, that was in capital letters, because for as many flaws as she’d had, Maria Stark had always been there for her daughter and was one of a select three people upon whom Toni could count. In doing so, she had instilled a deep appreciation in Toni for the strength, resilience and love of a mother, and in the lifetime that followed, Toni _never_ showed anything but the utmost respect to mothers in general. Mothers – the ones who did their jobs with love – were amazing and wonderful creatures, the truest miracle even in a world that had superheroes. 

Which was how Toni knew, irretrievably, that she was _not_ Mother Material. 

Except maybe, sometimes even geniuses were wrong.

 

###

 

The first thing that jolted her to awareness, was a sugar-sweet little giggle. 

Through nothing else but a sheer force of will, Toni refrained from smiling, not wanting to spoil what sounded like a surprise. The door shut with a barely audible _snick_ and warmth flooded her chest when she heard Steve’s muted voice. 

“Shh, Pete, we don’t want to wake Mommy up yet, do we?”

For all that she tried, Toni couldn’t help the way her lips pursed at the title. She’d told everyone – Steve, more than once – that Peter was not her son. She was not the kid’s mother. She had taken him in as her ward, sure, and she was his legal guardian, but she was _Toni,_ not _Mommy._ She was not Mother Material, that was a well-documented fact, and despite how many times Steve tried to point out that her actions spoke otherwise, that was an argument she wasn’t prepared to indulge him with. 

So what if she’d rescued the adorable three-year-old baby after the latest attack on the city had left him orphaned? So what if she’d thrown her considerable power around to ensure that he stayed with her, because he only felt safe around her and had no other living relatives? So what if she’d hit their villain of the day with a blast from her repulsors so powerful that it had taken him out for a full week, when he’d mocked the child clinging to her like a limpet? None of that spawned from any sort of sudden maternal instincts. It was, more likely, attributable to her need for atonement combined with a deadly possessive streak to make sure that no one touched her things. 

She didn’t understand the whole issue, anyway. Peter had no problem calling everyone else by their names – Steve himself, who had been fathering that kid harder than Toni had ever known anyone to father, was no more or less than _Steve_ to him – so it wasn’t like he was having issues separating out his biological family from this new, adoptive one. But still, he persisted in calling her mommy until she corrected him. The therapist who had worked with Peter for the months following his family’s deaths had theorized that it had to do with the safety he felt in Toni’s presence; that it was something of a coping mechanism, as well as a way to feel secure in this new and unfamiliar environment. After learning that, she had been far more patient, allowing the title only in the moments when Peter seemed most afraid or vulnerable. But if others were using it, Peter was never going to stop. 

Making a mental note to have a talk with her boyfriend later – he seriously could not keep encouraging this Mommy thing with Peter, not when she had been trying so diligently the past couple months to gently break him of the habit – she pretended to shuffle in her sleep, keeping her eyes dutifully closed. There was another giggle, softer this time. 

“Sorry, Steve,” Peter apologized, whispering now, and it never failed to amuse her how the child couldn’t master volume regulation on his whispers either. “When are we waking Mommy up? Can I do it?”

A beat of unease pulsed through her. There was no hesitation in the way he called her ‘Mommy’, not like the uncertain stutter that always preceded him calling her ‘Toni’. It was obvious that Peter was more comfortable with the former address, which could have been why Steve was going along with it instead of heeding her wishes like the considerate boyfriend he usually was, but it scared Toni on a deeper level that she cared to admit. There was a certain amount of trust and honor in that title that she knew she didn’t deserve and couldn’t live up to. How would she ever forgive herself for letting Peter use it, when he was only going to get hurt later on when he realized that she was so unworthy of it? 

A problem for a later day, she decided, as she heard the clink of glass against glass. She could guess what was happening here. 

Sure enough, Steve’s low voice, amused and fond, confirmed her thoughts a second later. “Sure you can, buddy, just as soon as we put the food on the nightstand so it won’t fall.”

She could figure out the Mommy quandary later. For now, she had a four-year-old, a super soldier, and breakfast in bed to enjoy. 

 

###

 

Steve grinned to himself as his sharp senses picked up the change in Toni’s breathing. 

For all that he knew his lover was awake, she didn’t move an inch, and the reason for that, he knew, was the recently-turned four year old that was almost quivering with excitement next to him. 

She could deny it all she wanted, but Peter was bringing out the softer side to Toni more than anyone else besides himself could. If it were anyone else, she wouldn’t have bothered to preserve the surprise of breakfast in bed, but for Peter? Somehow, she knew how important this was to the kid, and she was doing what she could not to spoil it for him. 

When the little kid had walked into the kitchen this morning, half-asleep and knuckling at bleary eyes, Steve had been braced for tears from a fresh nightmare and a wobbly demand for Toni. Peter still had nightmares of what little he had seen in the attack on his family ten months ago, and the only person he wanted or could stand after those, was Toni herself. He’d cling to her and refuse to look at, or even acknowledge anyone else, and for her part, the beautiful billionaire would simply put down whatever it was that she was doing, whenever and wherever she was doing it, and bundle Peter up in her arms, humming and rocking him until he calmed. 

It was something that still tied Steve’s throat up in knots sometimes, to see. 

Thankfully, when Peter had looked up at him, his face had only creased into a sleepy smile. He’d been content to accept the morning cuddle Steve had given him, and it had taken a whole seven and a half minutes before the kid had shyly asked where Toni was. 

Knowing that Toni had only come up to bed two hours before, and wanting her to get some rest after the most recent project had been completed, Steve had come up with the (brilliant) idea of him and the kid taking Toni breakfast in bed. It had given him and Peter another chance to bond, and had given Toni a longer reprieve than she might have had if this morning had been a Nightmare Situation. 

A win-win, in his mind. 

Now, as he watched his girlfriend feign sleep, Steve had to wonder how she always knew what Peter needed and when. 

The little boy himself was completely oblivious and instead, tongue stuck out to the side of his mouth, carefully took the food over to Toni’s side of the bed, completely unaware of the steadying hand that Steve had underneath the tray. His back protested lightly at the hunched positon but it was a better alternative than risking Peter falling and hurting himself. 

As Toni pretended to shuffle around, Steve caught the barely-there flicker of her lips, and amusement assaulted him again. Anyone who only knew the public persona of Antonietta Stark, would never have guessed that she’d have been sensitive enough to indulge a little kid’s quest to stealthily bring her breakfast in bed. Hell, Steve himself might not have guessed it, if not for the ways he’d seen Toni defy all expectation when it came to the kid. 

Ever since legally assuming guardianship of him, Toni had altered little things in little ways, so that they were invisible if not specifically searched for. Like the constant supply of fresh fruits and vegetables next to the rest of the groceries she had people stock for the Avengers Tower. Like the break she took every morning and evening no matter what she was working on, to greet Peter every morning and wish him goodnight. Like the way she never activated the soundproofing on the lab anymore, or how a picture of Steve, Toni and Peter, had somehow ended up in a frame on her desk in the workshop. 

And the stubborn woman still insisted that she wasn’t mother material, whatever that was supposed to mean. 

An argument for another day, he decided, as Peter clambered up on to the bed and gently shook Toni ‘awake’. As he’d suspected she might, the genius made a great show of pretending to be completely surprised, winking surreptitiously at him when the enthusiastic four year old threw himself at her for a hug. He sent her a responding smile, feeling love unlike anything he’d ever known spreading through his entire being for the amazing woman who had agreed to be his. There was no one in this world like Toni Stark, Steve knew that, and for all the ups and downs they had, God help him, he loved her. More than breath. 

Not for the first time, Steve considered the family they’d patchworked together since the Chitauri invasion, and the battle that had almost cost him the best thing this life would ever give him. It had been Bruce, not him, that had been the first to move in with Toni, although she’d already designed a floor for them all by then. Some might have called it preemptive of her – others, presumptuous, even – but in retrospect, Steve could only think of it as deeply insightful. In the same way that she’d known Bruce would return to the battle in New York even after the disaster on the helicarrier, Toni had also known that each of them would find their way to the newly-christened Avengers Tower when they realized that they needed a safe space to call home. 

And so they had. Steve had come next, quickly growing weary of his own attempts to recover parts of the past that he still couldn’t let go of. He had shown up in the Tower without giving a thought as to what he was doing there, with a duffle bag and no idea what the reception would be. As it were, Toni had given him little more than a fleeting grin before throwing the proverbial doors wide open and casually directing JARVIS to show Steve to his floor. He had been amazed at the knowledge that Toni had designed an apartment for each of them, on their own floors, and before he could thank her, or try to make amends for the horrible first impressions they’d made on each other, she was giving him an access card that would allow him anywhere in the building, along with a Starkphone, a computer and a vague comment about teaching him how to use both sometime. It was during those lessons, Steve knew, that he’d begun to fall in love with the haphazard genius… but that was a story for another time. 

Next in their developing home had been Clint, looking battered and lost, and like Steve, he hadn’t needed to say a word of explanation before Toni was welcoming him and explaining how his floor had the necessary vantage points and limited exposure to make him feel more secure in his environment. The archer had stopped Toni mid-explanation with a bone crushing hug, the most emotion either of them had seen out of him, and a weary mumble of thanks. None of them had asked what horrible thing had brought Clint to the tower that day, looking as wrecked as he had, and none of them ever would. 

After Clint came Natasha, and Steve hadn’t even realized she’d gotten there until the morning that she’d breezed into the communal kitchen and grabbed an apple, sitting at the counter and eating it without anything more than an amicable greeting. He guessed she might have come in during the night or something, because Toni and Clint had appeared completely unfazed with the Widow’s sudden appearance, but the Captain had made peace with the fact that he would never know. 

Thor had been the last, not for a lack of enthusiasm about the idea, but because of how long it had taken him to sort out the mess with Loki, and then things on Asgard, and then his issues with Jane, the woman he’d fallen in love with two years prior. The Norse God had been thrilled to be counted among the few who had a place in the Avengers Tower, and had settled in with far more enthusiasm and an almost innocent joy. 

That would have been it for their little family, if not for the attack ten months ago, which had brought Peter into the fold. He was already one of them because, unspoken though it might have been, he was Toni and Steve’s. Whether or not they had intended this course of action for their relationship, was irrelevant; the very moment that the dust had settled on Toni’s attack on their resident bad guy, and Steve had seen her holding a little bundle of trembling three year old in her arms, curled protectively around him, the super soldier was already halfway gone.

He had been struck with a blast of longing so fierce, he had almost forgotten to breathe. In his defense, though, he had been presented with the scene of the woman he loved, holding a child that he knew he was going to be crazy about; a picture of family that would complete the one he and Toni had built in the Tower. He hadn’t known that it was something he’d wanted; certainly, they’d never spoken about it; but seeing it in that moment? The very picture of a future with the love of his life? There was nothing Steve had wanted more, with the obvious exception being the time when he’d been pining over the genius herself. It was the tangible promise of forever. 

Only, he hadn’t counted on himself being the only one able to admit it. 

He could be patient with Toni, though. It was only a matter of time before she realized that she was every bit the mother she claimed not to be. 

 

###

 

Toni hummed in contentment as Steve kissed her, lazy but thorough, with just a hint of the possessiveness that he sometimes got when he was feeling particularly territorial of her. 

This was a good way to cap off the breakfast she’d just had, pun intended. 

Clint had waltzed in like he owned the place not ten minutes before, commandeering Peter for some or other misadventure and leaving Toni and Steve to enjoy a lazy morning in bed like they’d initially planned on doing. The genius relished in having the complete attention of one Steven Grant Rogers focused solely on her; her lover simply chuckled throatily as she repeated the thought to him. 

“You always have my attention, sweetheart,” he husked, trailing kisses along her jaw. “Including when you’re not even in the same room.”

Toni responded by leaning down and catching his lips with hers again, a needy little sound being torn from deep in her throat as Steve’s hand brushed up along her body. His intentions were obvious, from the movement of his hand to the deep and bruising quality his kisses were taking on, and Toni was entirely on board. 

Until Steve’s phone suddenly blared, ringing shrilly in the otherwise empty apartment. 

She would have complained – loudly and colorfully – if not for the rumbling growl that built up in Steve’s chest as he lifted his head long enough to glare at his phone. The sound made her giggle, since she was usually the one with next to no sexual restraint, and she found it in herself to pull away with one last kiss when the phone didn’t show any signs of quietening. 

He dropped his head to rest against her collarbone and Toni automatically lifted her hand to run through his hair. “Take it,” she consented softly, turning her head to press a kiss to Steve’s temple without ceasing the motion of her fingers through the silky strands of hair. “We’ve got the whole day.”

Except that they didn’t. 

Toni could hear the aggrieved voice of one Nick Fury as he ranted to Steve, something about HYDRA and time warps and _‘Why isn’t fucking Stark answering her motherfucking phone?!’_ and whatever other dramatic declarations of urgency the SHIELD director deigned to make. She didn’t bother paying it much heed, not when she could instead study Steve’s face and the adorable expressions he made, especially the faint disapproval when Fury cussed or, more memorably, the glint of temper when the man had cussed in relation to her. Steve’s protectiveness was a force not unknown to any of their team, and it was something most of them tried to avoid for fear of their health, especially after that memorable incident when her boyfriend had broken some idiot’s jaw when he’d tried to grope her at an SI gala.

The genius had always felt oddly touched by it. 

“We have to go in,” Steve grumbled when Fury eventually hung up. He didn’t lift his head, so she didn’t stop petting his hair. “Apparently there’s something we both need to see.”

Toni arched an unimpressed eyebrow. “They do know I don’t work for them, right?” she asked with a hint of disdain. She knew that Fury hadn’t asked as much as demanded their presence, and the genius had never taken orders very well. 

“You’ve certainly told them often enough.” But the words were accompanied by a smile that Toni felt against her skin. The billionaire found herself grinning in response, although she huffed a sigh in order to maintain her point. 

“I’m only going because it’s you,” she informed her lover primly, shifting warm eyes on him when Steve finally lifted his head to smile at her. “You’re lucky you’re so pretty,” she added with a playful smirk. 

“And so good in bed,” Steve nodded agreeably, blue eyes sparkling with concealed mischief as she spluttered with laughter. One of the most rewarding things that she’d learned about in this relationship she’d fallen into, was Steve’s dry but undeniably quick humour. Most people thought it was spending time with her that was rubbing off on the clean-cut Boy Scout Captain America, but Toni knew the truth; buried underneath the public persona, there was an impish Brooklyn boy with a sharp wit who always gave as good as he got, and the serum hadn’t changed that inherent part of him. 

It was no wonder that she’d fallen ass over heels for this man. 

Eventually, the pair dragged themselves out of bed, showering separately in the interests (Steve’s interests) of making it to their meeting before dusk. They were both fairly relaxed, if a little petulant in Toni’s case, for having to come out on their day off, and perhaps that should have been the first indicator to the billionaire that today was going to be a crappy day. 

She never had relaxed days, anymore. 

Still, not any amount of bracing could have stopped her knees from almost buckling when she realized just why they’d been called in. 

She could only stare in concealed horror as the man glanced over her with an emotionless expression. It took her a few seconds before she found her albeit shaky voice. “Hi, Dad.”

“Antonietta,” Howard Stark greeted her stiffly, but the expression completely dissolved into shock and happiness when his eyes landed on the super soldier behind her. “Steve...? Is that… you’re alive!”

She swallowed hard as Steve let out a disbelieving laugh and caught the man in a huge hug. Fury and Coulson’s eyes were on her, but Toni couldn’t remove her gaze from where her boyfriend was already excitedly reminiscing with the man he knew as his old friend. 

Was this karma for all the times that she’d hooked and booked with guys specifically chosen to piss Howard off? It had to be.

Toni didn’t realize she was backing away until a hand suddenly perched against the small of her back. It took everything she had not to flinch instinctively, but when Coulson shifted his arm so that it curled around her waist instead, she knew that he had still felt the tension that had snapped into her body. His stance was suddenly protective, subtly positioned in front of her, and in any other circumstance, Toni would have covered her surprise with mocking about how Agent actually cared about her. As it were, she was simply grateful for the cover, and in an uncharacteristic move, inched closer to the immovable SHIELD agent. 

He could sigh and grumble at them all he wanted, but Coulson had never failed to have their backs, and through all their ups and downs, he was the only person with SHIELD that Toni trusted, outside of Nat and Clint. 

For a good reason, too. “I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about, and I’m sure Miss Stark does too, but I need to borrow her for a consult for a little while,” Coulson cut in smoothly. Steve and Howard turned to face them, her boyfriend’s face flush with happiness while her father’s was simply faintly annoyed at the pointless interruption. “I’ll be sure to return her as soon as possible.” The agent’s voice was pleasant, on the surface, but with a steely undertone that not even Fury had contradicted.

Avoiding everyone’s eyes, Toni followed Coulson out without a word, unsure how to express her immense gratitude or the reason for it.

“I don’t think me being here is a very good idea,” she settled with finally, keeping her eyes trained ahead of her even when Coulson glanced at her. “Thank you for getting me away.”

For a long moment, Coulson didn’t speak, but before Toni could break the silence by asking him what was on his mind, he uttered a quiet, “You’re welcome.” He seemed to hesitate for another long moment, before touching a hand to her elbow, stopping her in place. He waited until she was looking up at him before adding, “If he’s a problem, let me know. I can see about hurrying the process along to send him back.”

The words made her throat constrict slightly, and it was only through vicious self-control that she didn’t throw herself at him in a hug. Instead, she nodded mutely, clumsily patting the hand that was now wrapped around her elbow. 

“What’s he even doing here?” she eventually managed to ask, casting a helpless glance the way they had come. The way that led to the man who had destroyed her as a child, and then haunted her as a ghost through most of her adulthood. 

Coulson used his grip on her elbow to steer her away, further from her father and the demons in her mind. “HYDRA tried to time travel, is the short of it,” he answered dryly, and there was no mistaking the derision in his tone. Toni almost smiled at how irreverent the man could sound about people traveling to and from the past. 

“Can’t we just let them have him?” she asked half-hopefully, and though the agent sent her a bland look, she had known him long enough by then to see through to the amusement behind it. 

“Too much paperwork.”

Toni managed a laugh at the deadpanned response, deciding that she liked Coulson a lot more than she was willing to admit. They walked to the elevator in comfortable silence and she tried to focus on the consolation that she was going to visit SHIELD’s R&D department. It wasn’t as nice as the one at Stark Industries, and it wasn’t nearly as impressive as her own workshop, but given a choice between tech and Howard Stark? Toni had been choosing the former on a consistent basis for the past thirty years. 

She was almost home and away, when Fury’s clipped voice reached them from the other end of the hall. “Stark.”

Groaning aloud and ignoring the faint look of reproach it earned her from Coulson, Toni swiveled around. “Cyclops.”

Fury barely batted an eyelid at her nickname for him, closing the distance between them with single-minded determination. Toni wanted to huff a sigh when Coulson sent the elevator back up without them, but she settled for fixing an impatient look on the SHIELD Director. 

“I didn’t realize that things had… _progressed_ , to what they are now, with Howard,” Fury said, and if Toni didn’t know any better, she’d say that he actually sounded regretful. Compassionate, even. “If I’d known, I’d have left you and Rogers out of this.”

Apparently it was a day meant for surprises, because Toni actually believed the man. He looked distinctly displeased, probably trying to reconcile the public persona Howard Stark he’d known, to the father of the year that Toni had grown up with. 

Feeling a beat of sympathy for him – because the reality was rarely preferable to the illusion – she only nodded wearily. “I appreciate that.”

“You probably won’t for much longer,” Fury commented, and an ominous feeling crept up Toni’s spine. “Not when you find out that your boyfriend offered Howard a room in the Avenger Tower until he can make it back home.”

She blanched at the thought of basically living with her father again. “Can’t you make up a reason to keep him here?” she asked, not caring how desperate she knew she sounded. Even in the mansion, there had never been enough space between her and her father, and she would be damned if she let him anywhere near Peter or the home she had built. 

“Cap insisted,” was all Fury said in response, and Toni suddenly couldn’t handle being anywhere near him or the stupid SHIELD headquarters. 

She took the stairs and didn’t even look back when Coulson called out for her. 

 

###

 

Steve was reading when he heard the sounds of quiet shuffling emanating from the room down the hall, which Toni had converted into Peter’s. He shut his book and ambled off the bed, curious as to where his girlfriend and the adorable little boy had been the whole day. 

He had spent most of it, after settling his old friend in one of the guest rooms, catching up with Howard, learning about what had happened after he took the plane down from a first-hand source, and then learning more about Peggy and how she’d moved on with her life after him. In turn, he told his old friend what he could about this strange new century, enjoying not being mocked for being so out of time. It had been fantastic; the only thing missing had been the beautiful genius herself, but Steve supposed that she wanted to tell her father about them on her own, first, and he was content to wait until Toni was ready. 

He stopped in the doorway to Peter’s room, watching with a fond smile as Toni tucked a half-asleep Peter into bed. 

“…park tomorrow too? And maybe Steve can come also?” Peter was asking, his words slurred with tiredness as Toni pulled the covers over him. The super soldier felt his lips lift in a broader smile, feeling an inordinate amount of affection for the child that Toni had brought into their home and lives. 

As he watched, Toni bent low to press a kiss to the child’s forehead. “We’ll see about that, sweet pea,” she murmured softly, pushing Peter’s hair back in gentle strokes meant to sooth him into sleep. Not for the first time, Steve shook his head in amusement at the nickname Toni only used when Peter needed comforting or reassurance. It had become a thing between the little boy and the genius; Peter loved it, because his name started with a ‘P’, and Toni indulged it, probably because as much as she denied it, she loved the kid more than any of them could. 

“’Kay,” Peter nodded sleepily, snuggling into his bed and clutching the teddy bear that had been the only thing he’d wanted from his old home. “G’night, Mommy.”

Steve winced slightly, knowing how much the title set Toni’s teeth on edge with her perceived inability to bear it, but to his surprise, his lover only sighed, almost inaudibly, and got to her feet with a softly returned, “Sweet dreams, honey.”

Huh. Toni was either preoccupied or upset about something, or Peter had been. 

He waited for her to notice him in the doorway, smiling softly at her when she did and taking her hand when she was close enough. Without a word, he led her back to their room, and as they entered, he turned her around, catching her around the waist and leaning down to press a deep kiss to her lips. He savoured the taste of her, the scent of her, the feel of her pressed into his arms, and for the life of him, Steve couldn’t figure out how she made him miss her for all of the eight hours they’d been apart. 

“Everything okay, darling?” he asked her in a low voice as they broke apart, using his foot to close the door. She stayed leaning into him, in a way that would have made Steve think she was drunk, if not for the firm knowledge and proof he had that she hadn’t gotten drunk since they’d gotten together. 

After a moment, she pulled away, a smile in place that was familiar, but didn’t look quite right to him. “Just fine,” she replied, voice equally soft, and Steve couldn’t help the feeling that he was missing something. Then she was kissing him again, more deliberate this time, and Toni’s mouth against his was one of the top five things Steven Rogers thought made his life worth living, so it really wasn’t a wonder that he lost his train of thought.

It was only much later, under the cover of dark and with the love of his life curled up against his chest, when Steve realized Toni had done something she’d never done to him before in the course of their relationship. Something that shouldn’t have been a big deal, for how small a detail it was, but to him? To someone who knew Toni Stark like he did? It was a big red flag. 

She’d used her Toni Stark Smile. 

It was what he’d come to dub the fake, public persona smile that often graced his lover’s face when she was dealing with the press, or some particularly annoying stakeholders who she wasn’t allowed to upset. It was the smile that let him know something deeper was going on under the surface, something that she had usually never hesitated to tell him about, not since they’d made love for the first time. 

So what was going on now, that Toni was so set on hiding? 

 

###

 

A jaw-cracking yawn made Toni finally stop her work for longer than half a minute, straightening and stretching and relishing the series of pops her spine made as it cracked back into place. She’d been in the workshop since 2am, having only surfaced once that morning in order to greet her boyfriend and Peter, who’d brought her a breakfast bagel. Glancing at her watch, the genius cringed when she realized it was well after 4pm. 

“Working through lunch? Maybe you picked up a little more from me than I thought.”

Toni froze at the familiar sound of her father’s voice, willing herself desperately not to react like the same heartbroken little girl she remembered herself being, who’d kept trying to reach out to a father who’d only looked upon her with disgust. 

Suddenly, she was grateful for the half-dozen SHIELD agents that Coulson had sent with Howard. _Protection for the asset_ , he’d claimed this morning, and when he sent her a subtle look, Toni had known with a blast of affection that Coulson had been talking about protection for _her,_ not Howard. 

With great difficulty, she cleared her throat. “Uh… I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be in here.”

“Please.” He snorted scornfully, barely sparing her a glance before he began to take in her tech. “Even if the technology was at my disposal in my time, I’d hardly think any of your half-baked ideas worth pilfering, Antonietta.” 

_God,_ she _hated_ when he called her that. Toni used to love her name, until Howard had managed to turn it into something foul-sounding. Something mocking. 

Biting her tongue – literally – she turned around and got back to work on the upgrades she was making to her armour. When they faced down with HYDRA over this; and inevitably, they would; then she was going to need to be battle ready, and with the repulsors in her left boot currently little more than a mass of wiring and parts, she didn’t think she qualified. 

The silence only lasted about 15 minutes before it was broken again. “What are you working on?” Howard asked, somehow managing to sound curious and condescending all at once. It grated on her nerves, but Toni swallowed the instinctive response, namely telling her dad to kindly go fuck himself. 

“My armour,” she answered in a clipped voice instead. “The guys who came after you will more than likely want the chance to get a chunk out of me, too, and in that eventuality, I’d prefer to have my Iron Woman suit on hand.”

Howard hummed under his breath, but there was no mistaking the keen interest that sharpened his gaze. For a fleeting moment, Toni thought about how much she’d done and given up her entire life, trying to get that much attention and recognition from her absent father, but in the next second, she realized just how little it meant to her anymore. 

Somewhere along the line – more than likely, the part of her story where Steve had entered, where the Avengers and Peter had entered – she had found a family that had accepted her, quirks and all. Loved her, even. They’d given her more than her father ever could. 

Speaking of whom. “Steve mentioned your little household AI,” he commented, and now, Howard sounded like the same disapproving, disappointed man she’d known as a child. “If it was a failure as an experiment, why flaunt it in your home?”

And okay, he could berate her until the sun came up, but he was _Not Allowed_ to mess with JARVIS. 

“JARVIS is not a _failure_ ,” she shot back coldly. “He’s my single bes-…”

“Antonietta,” her father interrupted her with a harsh snap of her name. “What did I teach you about sentimentality? And the thing doesn’t even take orders, it’s clearly dysfunctional.”

Except that JARVIS was always kept in perfectly updated condition, and he had never, not once failed her, or the rest of the house, and he always took orders fro-…

Oh. 

_Oh._

Fuck, Tony _loved_ her AI. 

Smug smile lifting her features, she leaned back against the desk. “J, Workshop Number Three, suitable for company, if you will,” she spoke pleasantly, not bothering to raise her voice or make any effort to direct her AI towards what she wanted of him. 

“Of course, Madam,” JARVIS chimed back immediately, and Toni knew she’d done well programming him, but damn if he actually sounded haughty as he turned her playlist on at low volume. 

Howard blinked, and Toni shrugged slightly. “He only takes orders from people he recognizes as my own.”

At one time, that might have been a low blow on her part, but today, it simply rang to her as the absolute truth. 

“That does seem like you,” her father sneered a moment later, after she’d turned back to her suit. Determinedly, she kept working, trying to ignore him. “Always coveting those things that you shouldn’t have. That you don’t deserve to have.”

_Just ignore him, don’t engage, he can’t hurt you if you don’t engage. Not anymore._

“Like Steve.”

And how had she forgotten that she’d learned her own razor-sharp defenses from him? How had she forgotten that the one thing Howard Stark had taught her, was how to pinpoint weaknesses and go for the jugular before your own throat was sliced open?

Swallowing around her suddenly dry throat, she yanked the wire in her hands viciously. “Leave Steve out of this,” she demanded in a low voice. 

_Rookie mistake. Now he knows he’s onto something that has the power to hurt you._

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Sure enough, the elder Stark was like a dog with a bone. “Is that why you haven’t done anything to try to send him back? Back to where he belongs, with a woman worthy of being with him? Or,” his voice turned mocking, “do you actually believe that _you_ are?”

She was damned if she answered and damned if she didn’t, so stubbornly, Toni kept her mouth shut. 

What she hadn’t counted on, was her father’s willingness to get physical with her even as an adult. 

He grabbed her around her bicep, wrenching her around like a rag doll and shaking her slightly. “I can’t believe you could be this selfish, Antonietta!” he barked at her, eyes blazing with a familiar mix of temper and contempt. “To willingly sit idly by, knowing how much we all mourned for him? Knowing how much the world needed him, how much America needed him? And all for what? Some childish fantasy that you will ever be enough for a national hero? Steve had a life, he had a woman he was in love with, a woman worthy of being with him, who loved him back, he had friends who needed him; but he’s stuck here, because you want to play happy fucking families!”

All through his rant, Toni was ashamed to admit, she’d stayed completely unresponsive, mind reverting back to the little girl who’d been terrified to see her own father looking at her with so much blind hatred. She was ashamed to admit that she’d barely taken a breath the entire time, and when he all but flung her away from him, she was ashamed all over again to admit that she’d stumbled on unsteady feet, tumbling to the floor and scraping up her palms as she tried to break her fall. 

Her right knee in particular ached, and she carefully lifted herself to her feet at the same time that the doors suddenly swished open. 

Dread curled immediately in her stomach. 

She didn’t see the SHIELD agents, who looked poised to intervene on her behalf. All she saw, was that Peter was standing there, wide-eyed and pale, having obviously witnessed enough through the transparent windows to know that she hadn’t tripped. 

Raising a bruised hand, she sent the agents a clear denial of their help. Peter, whether he didn’t understand it, or simply didn’t care for it, didn’t heed the action, instead scampering into the workshop and making a beeline for her. He threw himself into her arms and she hushed him softly, trying to favour her knee and balance the child at the same time. 

“You know you’re not supposed to come to the workshop without one of the others, sweet pea,” she whispered softly to him, pointedly keeping her back to her father and ignoring his muttered obscenities. “Where’s Steve?” 

Peter’s lip wobbled, but he valiantly held back his tears. “He’s makin’ you food, he promised we could come give it to you but I ran on in front,” the little boy answered softly, hurt dimming his eyes. “Did you get an ouchie?” he asked, reaching for her still slightly bloody palms. She carefully closed her hands into fists, ignoring the pain, so that Peter didn’t have to see the incriminating evidence. 

“I’m fine, honey,” she replied, setting him down distractedly in order to rearrange her clothes. It was going to be a hell of a feat keeping this from Steve, especially since she couldn’t blame it on an accident, thanks to Peter’s untimely presence. 

Before she could react, the child himself was scrambling around her and glaring up at Howard with all the ferocity that a self-righteous four year old could possibly muster. “You’re a bully!” he yelled at her father, with a conviction that reminded her numbly of Steve. She could only gape at him as he launched into his tirade. “You’re a big, mean bully, and you’re not s’posed to hit girls, not _anyone_ , but _‘specially_ not girls, Steve _said_ so! You’re a horrible person and I hate you!” With that fierce proclamation, Peter rushed forward and landed a spectacularly aimed boot on Howard Stark’s shin.

An almost hysterical laugh bubbled up in her throat; who would have thought that the first person to stand up to her father for her, would be a goddamn four year old? 

The urge to laugh immediately died when her father cursed loudly and lifted his hand. It was a pose she was intimately familiar with, having been on the receiving end of that vicious backhand on more than one occasion. 

She reached for Peter and pulled him into her arms just in time for him to avoid the slap. 

The little boy looked shocked, a look that was almost as bad as if Howard had actually managed to hit him, and when he shifted to look up at her, Toni could see the clear and implicit trust in his eyes, aside the fear and confusion. 

He was trusting her to make this right, to keep him safe.

And Toni didn’t for one moment entertain the thought that she couldn’t. 

Gently steadying him so he could stand, she hushed him one more time before turning to face her father. As calm as she’d ever been, Toni closed the distance between them, curled the fingers of her right hand into a fist, and smashed that fist into Howard’s face. 

The punch, with all her weight and considerable strength behind it, landed with twin cracks of her wrist and, she assumed, his face, but it was well worth it when he hit the floor. He curled into a ball, alternating between swearing at her and groaning in pain, but none of it eased the blaze of her temper. She leaned down, grabbing his collar with her good hand and yanking him up with a power she hadn’t known she possessed.

“If you _ever_ even _think_ about raising a hand to my son again, I swear, I will kill you,” she enunciated slowly and carefully, making sure that each snarled word, and the solemn vow within them, penetrated her father’s thick skull. Her eyes blazed with a lethal intent, and not even Howard was stupid enough to test her. “You don’t look at him, you don’t touch him, you don’t think about him. Are we _clear_?!”

He nodded rapidly, but before she could demand a verbal confirmation, the doors to the workshop swished open again. 

“Toni!”

Steve’s voice held a reprimand and an anger that she hadn’t heard since their first Avengers mission, when they’d clashed so horribly upon first meeting. Suddenly, he was there, yanking her away from her father, albeit gently, and aiming a look at her that was so rife with disappointment and anger that it physically hurt her. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he snapped, moving to stand protectively in front of Howard, and if she thought she hurt before, her chest was completely crushing in on itself now. No matter that, logically, she knew Steve had walked in at the worst possible time. 

_Still,_ a small voice in her head whispered, _shouldn’t I get the benefit of doubt? Or does old friend trump girlfriend?_

A bitter taste hit the back of her throat and she jerked back, unresponsive. All the emotions of the past few minutes crashed spectacularly around her and even if she’d wanted to, Toni couldn’t find the words. 

“Real nice example you’re setting for Peter there,” Steve added cuttingly, and it was all too much, too soon, she couldn’t take this from him, too… “Maybe you were right, maybe you’re not cut out to be his mother. Not if you expose him to this.”

That was the final blow.

She closed her eyes against it for a second, trying to push past the pain of the words long enough to make an escape. A little sob, followed by arms clutching at her legs, reminded her that she wasn’t the only one who needed out, and after glancing down at Peter, Toni made the executive decision to get herself and her son out of there. 

Distantly, she wondered if she’d ever be able to think of Peter as anything less, now that she’d given into it and called him hers. 

With a grace that was at complete odds with her inexperience with kids, Toni bent down and scooped Peter up into her arms, lifting herself to her feet all while cradling her hand to her chest. The little boy, trembling, clung to her with a fierceness that was telling of his fear, reminiscent of the day she had first found him. He needed to feel safe, and she could do that for him, and that was all that was going to matter for the next little while. 

Not sparing either man a glance, she turned around and walked out of the lab, not caring about anything else except the trembling little boy in her arms. 

 

###

 

Steve let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Toni… _hadn’t fought back._ His gut was churning, instincts screaming to him that he had missed something vital, had messed something up spectacularly, but he ignored them, willed them away in order to fix his attention on his old friend. Howard was struggling to his feet now, cradling his face, and at any other time, Steve would have been posturing with pride over the mean right hook his girlfriend had, that had probably broken her father’s cheekbone. Instead, he rushed forward to aid the older man, shifting his stance to support him. 

“Fuck, that hurt,” Howard groaned, eyes screwed shut, and Steve resisted the urge to tease him about how Toni had taken plenty worse and brushed it off with a snarky comment and the smirk she’d inherited off her old man. Steve didn’t figure the man would want to talk about his daughter when she’d just flattened him, and especially not about how tough aforementioned daughter was. Later, maybe, when they’d sorted the situation out and could have a laugh about it.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Steve clasped a hand over his shoulder. “Sorry about that, Howard,” he apologized sheepishly. He wished he could offer some kind of insight, but with a start, he realized that he had no clue what had set off Toni’s infamous temper. It had to have been something, since it generally took a hell of a lot to work her up to the point of letting her fists talk instead of her scathing words. 

“Not your fault, Steve,” Howard waved his words away, a look of angry disdain twisting his features into something unpleasant. “Toni’s been a problem since childhood that I could never quite fix. I’m not surprised she grew up to be the kind of fuck-up I knew she would be.”

Steve reeled visibly at the words and fought hard against his own rearing temper. He wanted, for a brief moment, to knock the elder Stark right back on his ass for daring to talk about Steve’s best gal that way, but the Captain forced himself to remember that Toni _had just_ broken the man’s cheekbone. Anyone would be pissed. 

Still. He adopted a lightly stern expression. “You shouldn’t say things like that in anger, Howard.” He was only thankful that Toni hadn’t heard. Upset or not, that would have crushed her. 

“I’m just saying,” Howard continued, seemingly unaware of Steve’s disapproval, “that you don’t need to shield me. I always knew she would be my biggest disappointment, but I guess not everyone can bat a thousand with their creations.”

 _Creations?!_ Sympathy notwithstanding, his blood began to simmer, protectiveness flaring inside him. “She’s your daughter, Howard, she’s not one of your experiments!” 

“Obviously not,” Howard nodded, and Steve’s temper cooled slightly until the man continued to speak. “If she’d been an experiment, she would not have been such a resounding failure.” 

The words were barely out of his mouth before Steve began to consider whether he wanted to break the man’s other cheekbone, or aim for something a little more painful. Before he could decide, though, Howard remarked cavalierly, “You’d think she’d be grateful to me for trying to keep her from fucking up that kid, and you, as much as she’s fucked everything else in her life up, but that was always Antonietta for you. About as thankless and worthless as the day is long.”

Steve didn’t hear much over the roaring of his blood in his ears, but suddenly, there were six SHIELD agents holding him back while Howard laid curled on the floor again, this time clutching an abdomen that, no doubt, housed broken ribs. The only thing Steve could bring himself to feel was fierce regret that he’d only managed to land one punch, except, had this been what had set Toni off? Had he protected the wrong person?

“Don’t you ever,” he spat viciously, when Howard dared to ask him what the fuck his problem was, “ _ever_ talk about my Toni like that again, or broken ribs will be the _least_ of your problems, Stark.” Red coated the edges of his vision and he wanted nothing more than to beat the man in front of him into a bloody pulp; not least of all for the last straw, which was his slight towards Peter, but for the beautiful woman who he was so in love with, who he now realized had been hurt unforgivably by a man who Steve had been stupid enough to call his friend. 

_God, I’m such an idiot,_ he realized with belated anguish. _I should have known. I should have known. Toni, oh God please, I’m so sorry._

As soon as the thought materialized in his head, he knew that he had to tell her the words, not just think them. He had screwed things up in the worst way, he hadn’t _trusted her_ enough to know that she wouldn’t have acted without cause, and honestly, people had broken up for far less. Was that going to happen to them? Would he lose her for this? 

He shrugged off the SHIELD agents with embarrassing ease, all but sprinting out of the door and trying to breathe through his panic enough to figure out where she’d gone. 

“JARVIS, please,” he gasped out, stomach rolling as though he were about to be sick, “where is she? Where’s Toni? Where’s Peter?”

“I am not permitted to say.” If it was possible – and with Toni, Steve didn’t doubt that it was – the AI actually sounded cold. There was an impersonal edge to his normally warm and friendly voice that made Steve feel like a hostile, and of course the AI would have become sentient to Toni. Steve hadn’t met anyone who knew the real Toni, who didn’t fall in love with her, so why should a robot be the exception? 

Almost choking on his panic – _what if she’s gone, what if she’s left, what if she won’t forgive me?_ – Steve began to plead. “JARVIS, I was a complete moron, I wasn’t thinking… I didn’t know. Please, tell me where she is, I need to apologize. I need to make sure she’s okay.” 

The AI didn’t answer, but as Steve stepped into the TV room to check if she was there, the screen suddenly lit up. Curiosity kept him rooted to the spot, and when he realized that he was seeing footage from the lab, seeing exactly what had happened over the last forty minutes between father and daughter for Toni to finally punch Howard in the face, he paled even further.

By its end, he was torn between renewed rage at Howard Stark ( _how **dare** he put his hands on my Toni, how **dare** he call her worthless and manhandle her and raise a hand at **our** son_) and that fierce pride he’d tried to stifle earlier at his amazing girlfriend. 

He had to find her. 

Knowing that JARVIS would offer him no more insights – not until he was satisfied that Toni was no longer going to be hurt by Steve – the super soldier began systematically checking the Tower, wrestling against the urge to go back to the lab and have it out with Howard again, because priorities. Peter was with her, so that ruled out the labs, she wasn’t in their bedroom, or in the room she’d had built for Peter on their floor, she wasn’t in the gym or the communal floor, she wasn’t on Steve’s old floor…

She needed to feel safe, Steve knew that. Toni and Peter both. Toni’s safe space was her workshop and the lab, and Peter’s safe space was wherever Toni was, but since the workshop had Howard, and the lab wasn’t kid-friendly enough… where in the Tower was still somewhere Toni felt safe? 

With a flash of inspiration, he started towards the stairs, taking them three at a time. 

 

###

 

“Shh, honey, it’s okay, you’re okay,” Toni cooed soothingly, rocking Peter in her arms while steadily ignoring the throb in her wrist. She’d been comforting him for the better part of twenty minutes, but the child still refused to loosen his grip around her, or even lift his head long enough to look at her. “I’m here, I got you… c’mon, sweet pea.”

Finally, it was the nickname that did it, and Peter looked up at her from underneath wet, clumpy eyelashes. His face was red and damp from the crying and his eyes were pools of sadness and confusion that positively broke her heart. 

He hiccupped once, one small hand twisting in the fabric of her wifebeater. “I _don’t like_ Steve anymore,” he whimpered through hitching breaths. “He… he y-yelled at you, and he li-… likes that horrible man more than u-us.”

“Oh, baby,” Toni murmured, battling past her own anguish in order to focus on the little boy in her arms. “Steve was just… confused, okay? He didn’t know, he didn’t understand. There’s no way he likes anyone in the world more than you.” She couldn’t manage to include herself in that sentence; not while she was nursing her own searing pain over Steve not listening to her over her father. 

Peter seemed to consider this for a long moment, hiding his face against her neck again and absently fisting the material of her vest. Eventually, he pulled away to look back up at her. “D’you promise?”

Again, in his big eyes, there was that implicit trust that had nearly floored her in the workshop. It was a priceless gift, she knew, and Toni would do and give up anything to never let it fade from the child’s gaze.

“I promise,” she nodded, voice slightly thick, and pressed a kiss to Peter’s forehead. With the reassurance, the kid finally relented to being sat upon the wooden loveseat that Toni’d had built up here when the Avengers Tower had been remodeled. She had done up an entire roof terrace, outfitted with plenty of spaces for the rest of the team to join her if they wanted to, but over the years, it had become more of a special place between Steve and Toni. 

The thought hurt more than she knew was rational. 

Fixing her attention back on Peter, she reached for the rag that she always had hooked to her back pocket. Thankfully, since she’d been working on wiring today, the cloth was clean, and she used it to gently mop at his face and help him blow his nose. They were about done, and she had just coaxed a giggle from her little companion with loud complaints about how he’d scared her when he’d yelled at Howard about being a bully, so of course, that was the moment that the door to the roof swung open to reveal a slightly wild-eyed Steve Rogers. 

_Figured it out, then, did you, Captain?_ Toni couldn’t help the bitter thought that swam into her head. 

For his part, Steve looked completely shattered as he zeroed in on them, all but sprinting to where they were seated. Toni stood up quickly, automatically on the offense and wanting to eliminate the height advantage, but when Steve raised his arms towards her, she couldn’t help the instinctive flinch that drew her back. 

And right in front of her eyes, Toni saw Steve’s heart break. 

Instantly, she began to chastise herself. _This is just **Steve** , are you kidding me right now?! He was gonna hug you, he would never hurt you!_

Thankfully, Peter didn’t notice, and before Steve could talk – or start crying, were those tears in his eyes? – the child sent a comically reproachful look up at the super soldier, arms crossed over his chest. 

“That wasn’t very kind of you,” Peter scolded the blond with a tone too serious for his age, and with a start, Toni realized that he sounded exactly like a Disappointed Steve Rogers. If it were any other time, the billionaire would have been on the floor with laughter. “You _said_ bullying was wrong. You said not to let people bully other people, and you said that it was _never_ okay to hit girls.”

Shakily, Steve nodded, sinking to his knees. His face was ashen and he kept looking back at Toni, as though he was afraid she would simply vanish in the time it took him to look at Peter. “I was wrong,” he managed, after a half-dozen false starts. “I was wrong, and I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, but I do now, and I fixed it.”

 _Fixed it_? Christ, she hated her father, but she really hoped her boyfriend hadn’t killed him. That would have been difficult to explain to Fury. 

That, though, was apparently good enough for their young charge, because Peter nodded in approval at the words, immediately relaxing from his stern stance. He threw his arms around Steve and giggled as the super soldier crushed him to his chest. 

“It’s okay,” Peter graciously patted Steve on the back as he mumbled apologies over and over. “Mommy said you were confused. I understand, I don’t hate you. Just the horrible man.”

Steve nodded, and when he looked up at her again, those tears had fallen down his cheeks. “He is a horrible man,” he agreed, but with the intensity of his gaze upon her, Toni knew that his words were directed at her. “I just didn’t know. I didn’t know.”

And damn if her hurt didn’t suddenly ease away, replaced with deep sympathy for the pain that she’d never wanted her lover to feel. No matter how she felt, she’d never wanted him to deal with this. 

Steve straightened after a long moment, hesitating as he looked at her. Toni just wasn’t ready to take him on again, and in a move she could admit was cowardly, she reached a hand to Peter, pasting on a fake, cheery smile. 

“I think you deserve some ice cream, little hero,” she teased lightly, and that was enough to distract the four year old. It wasn’t nearly enough for Steve, who looked at her with the forlorn expression of a kicked puppy, but the hurt was too fresh in her mind and heart to handle now. 

 

###

 

Steve followed behind Toni and Peter with the helplessness of a man who knew he had irrevocably hurt the woman he loved, but was at a loss on how to fix it. When Toni had flinched away from his arms, it had destroyed him even worse than Peter’s tears or his rebuke, because the thought of her fearing him was worse than anything Steve had ever faced. 

Part of him argued, logically, that it was simply an instinctive reaction. The surveillance footage had shown him more than enough to know that Toni had been dealing with an irate and hands-on Howard from as far back as her childhood, and more than likely, being confronted with that again had brought out the defensiveness in the beautiful genius that had been cultivated in her youth. The signs were there, in the way that she had remained mute and statue still while Howard tossed accusations at her about being selfish, and unworthy of Steve, and in the way that she’d shut down when the man had dared to grab her arm and shake her. Throw her to the goddamn floor. 

Unwillingly, his eyes flickered to the arm that had been grabbed by Howard, and he was incensed all over again to see the red handprint bruise that was blossoming there. 

He didn’t realize that a low growl had rumbled through his chest until Toni shot him a glance, following his line of sight to the newest contusion that adorned her bicep. Her eyes widened briefly, pink splashing over her cheeks as she clumsily tried to cover it with her own hand; much too small to block away the edges of colour. 

With slow movements to telegraph his intentions, Steve gently tugged her hand away, trying to tell her with earnest and regretful blue eyes that she had nothing to feel ashamed about, that he was so sorry for letting any harm come to her, least of all from her own father. The guilt weighed heavy on him, blurring the chatter that filled the air between them as Peter talk about ice cream flavours, and not for the first time, he wondered how he had never realized what his lover’s childhood had really been like. 

For her part, Toni simply cast her gaze away from him, but not before he caught the pained weariness that still lingered in her expressive eyes. 

It would have hurt less if she’d aimed that right hook at him, and broken his cheekbone too. 

By the time they got to the communal kitchen – wordlessly taking the stairs to avoid the possibility of running into Howard – they could hear the chatter of some of the other Avengers. Clint was loudly bemoaning the lack of sugar cookies, presumably to Natasha since Bruce had been holed up in his lab with sensitive experiments all week and Thor had been with Jane for the past three days, and in turn, the Russian was muttering under her breath at him, something Steve was sure wasn’t flattering. 

As they entered the kitchen, Toni deftly swinging Peter up onto one of the counters with one arm, Nat and Clint shifted in place to include them in the conversation, but when Clint’s voice stopped mid-sentence, Steve glanced up to see that his eyes were riveted on their resident genius. 

Toni realized at the same time that Steve did, how visible her bruising was, both the vivid handprint and the swelling wrist that Steve had only just noticed himself, probably from her killer punch. 

In the next second, Steve had a knife against his throat.

They’d worked together, as a unit, for years, but for the first time, Steve saw Clint’s normally playful eyes go flat and dark with undisguised murderous intent. Dimly, he found it in himself to be shocked that the archer had reacted even faster than Natasha, who was only now positioning herself protectively in front of Toni and Peter, and part of him felt hurt that they’d believe him capable of hurting the love of his life like that. 

Another part of him felt ridiculously happy that Toni was protected by their team, from _any_ threat. 

Besides, he mused, since they didn’t know about Howard, he was pretty much the only candidate that could have put a huge, hand-shaped bruise on her arm.

“Clint, stand down!” Toni hissed furiously, shifting Peter away from the scene and ignoring the child’s confused attempts to turn around and see what was happening. In his frozen position, Steve also spared a moment to be impressed by how quickly Toni had managed to turn Pete away, so that the kid wouldn’t have to see this.

The archer firmly ignored her. “Did you touch her?” he asked in a voice too low to be heard by anyone but Steve. Clint’s voice was icy and controlled, but it was the white-knuckled grip on his knife that indicated the extent of his fury. Barton had always gotten along well with Toni, and over the years, the two had become more like long-lost siblings than friends, and it was painfully evident now, that he considered himself the big brother. 

“I would never,” Steve answered, firmly but sincerely. He had no anger over the treatment; he couldn’t, not when it meant that someone loved Toni enough to protect her from anything remotely resembling a threatening situation. 

Toni handed a confused Peter to Natasha, who gracefully stepped out of the kitchen in a way that kept the child’s eyes averted from the tense scene. Without any reservation, the genius came over and forcefully inserted herself between them, pushing Clint back gently with her good hand. Steve relaxed as the motion put space between him and Clint’s knife, but he had to consciously make an effort not to curl his hand around Toni’s hip, an instinctive action he usually did when he had her back against his chest like this. 

Keeping her eyes trained on Clint, Toni spoke low and steady. “Steve didn’t touch me. My asshole of a father is visiting from the past, don’t ask me why, but he grabbed me, and I punched his lights out when he looked like he was going to do something similar to Peter. Broke his face, and possibly my own wrist. That’s the long and the short of it.”

For a heavy moment, Clint only scrutinized Toni, and Steve would be lying if he claimed he didn’t feel at all jealous at the wordless conversation the two appeared to be having. Abruptly, the archer nodded. 

“Sorry ‘bout that, Cap,” he apologized shortly, dipping his head towards Steve before turning on his heel. “Better phone Coulson, Stark,” he threw over his shoulder as he strode away. “SHIELD can foot the cleaning bill. How much does it cost, anyway, getting blood off of walls?”

With a huff that Steve was sure was part frustration, part affection, Toni snapped out Barton’s name and hurried off after him, presumably to try to stop him from killing Howard. The super soldier thought about helping; Clint or Toni, he couldn’t say with any degree of certainty, because honestly, if he saw Howard again, he wasn’t sure what he would do; but instead, he stayed where he was. Steve was a possessive and protective boyfriend at the best of times, but facing Howard with the knowledge that he had hurt Toni? Had dared to put his hands on what Steve considered to be his? There would have been very little, if anything, that would have stopped him from killing the elder Stark, and he doubted that Coulson would have appreciated the paperwork.

Nat slipped back into the kitchen, a slightly pouting Peter trailing behind her. “It was nothing personal,” she offered, sounding vaguely apologetic, but not remorseful. She reclaimed her chair and waved at the one Clint had vacated, in an invitation to join her. Steve sat down heavily, all at once feeling every bit of his years, even the ones under ice. 

That weariness mellowed out when Peter clambered up on to his lap and snuggled into his chest, making the blond smile softly. 

“I know,” he eventually conceded, rubbing light circles on Peter’s back. “I’m glad she has him in her corner. I just… wish that I had been, too.”

Understanding dawned in the spy’s keen eyes, and equal parts sympathy and exasperation clouded them over again. “You didn’t know?” she asked astutely, a crease appearing on her brow. 

He shook his head mutely, self-recrimination flooding through him once more. He _should_ have known, and that was the truth. Not only because she hadn’t fought with him a word in her own defense, but because he should have believed that the woman he loved would have never acted that way in front of Peter without a damn good reason. 

Instead, he’d defended that miserable son of a bitch. He’d said, God, the most awful things to Toni. He’d fed into the fear he’d known she had, about being a bad mother. 

How was he ever going to make up for that?

 

###

 

Toni trembled as she sank to her knees in front of the familiar statue. Her eyes traced the words she’d arranged to be inscribed there:

_The Maria Stark Foundation  
In honour of Maria Stark  
"If I know what love is, it is because of you."_

Her vision blurred and for the first time in forever, she gave into the tears that were pooling in her big brown eyes. They slipped down her cheeks unchecked as she clutched her arms around herself, as though it were the only thing keeping her together.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” she breathed inaudibly, pressing numb, shaking fingertips against the cold plaque and tracing over the engraving. “I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t know what she was apologizing for, but God knew that Maria Stark could certainly take her pick. Toni had put her mother through more than her fair share, growing up. Even now, without meaning to, she was probably hurting her mother; Howard had been sent back not long after their fight yesterday. Coulson had come around, visibly fuming, and had extracted the spitting mad elder Stark himself, frog marching him out of Stark Tower like he was a misbehaving toddler. After that, the agent had lit a fire underneath the guys who were investigating the time warp that HYDRA had opened, and before she’d even put Peter to bed, Toni had gotten the call that Howard had been returned to the past, sporting only a few more new bruises, courtesy of Clint and presumably Coulson himself. 

His temper, she knew from vague and blurry memories, would be taken out on his work and her younger self, but not without the harsh comments that Maria had also always had to deal with. 

After putting Peter to bed, Toni had been at a loss on what to do with herself. She hadn’t felt focused enough to work, and she still hadn’t been ready to face Steve, so she’d spent the night downstairs in her office, rarely visited except on days when she had a meeting or paperwork that Pepper wasn’t inclined to sort through for her. Getting a jump on the financials of a deal that SI was touting, because that qualified as mindless work for a genius, Toni had remained in her office until she was completely certain that all the legwork was done for this deal to go through. Pepper would be beyond surprised, since the meeting with the board was set for two weeks from now, but that was just a side bonus. The real drawcard, was the fact that it had kept her busy until the sun rose. 

Peter, cheerful and recovered from the day’s events after a good night’s rest, had been keen to spend time with Bruce this morning, who had finally resurfaced from whatever experiment he had going on in his lab. She’d made the impulsive decision after her schedule had cleared, to visit the foundation that she’d started in her mother’s name, and after she’d explained to her fellow scientist where she was going, Bruce was all too happy to take on babysitting duties for the day. In the interests of not having Peter spill the beans, and inadvertently trigger a Code Hulk, she made herself explain all the excitement that Bruce had missed from the day before. One look at her casted wrist and the now-purple bruise around her arm had made him a little green around the edges, but thankfully, Bruce had kept it together and assured her that he would look after Pete.

Now, she was here, and damn it, she didn’t know what to say.

She stayed in that position for as long as it took for her tears to dry – minutes? Hours? – before shakily rising and walking away without another word. 

Toni stopped in her tracks, blinking slowly as she spotted Steve at the entrance to the foundation’s premises, leaning against his bike and looking for all the world like a concerned boyfriend waiting to pick up his girl. To her trained eyes, however, he looked positively wrecked; his features was taut and there were light bruises underneath his eyes to indicate a sleepless night, much like her own. His hair had the look of someone who’d run their fingers through it countless times and when she’d stopped, his arms had twitched in an aborted motion that Toni knew, would have tugged her into his arms had she not stopped short. 

To be fair, with her windswept locks and red-rimmed eyes and pale, tear-streaked face, she probably wasn’t that much better of a sight. 

She wanted to fight with him. She wanted to yell and scream and rant and rave and get through to him just how much _pain_ she had felt in the past 48 hours. 

Instead, she found herself choking out, “He cried.”

At the wobbly sound, Steve’s face rippled with pain, but he took a step towards her, arms carefully extended. 

“Who cried, sweetheart?”

Toni despised herself for it, but she couldn’t stop the tears from falling anew, not when Steve’s voice was so soft and loving and comforting. “Peter,” she answered softly, her bottom lip wobbling. Steve took another step towards her, but Toni didn’t retreat this time. “ _Peter_ cried, Steve, _yesterday,_ he cried because of something Howard did.” She dragged in a rattling inhalation, her breath starting to come out faster and shorter as she spoke. “I spent… fuck, I spent most of my childhood crying like that, crying like my heart was _breaking,_ because of something he did, or said, and I _promised_ myself that he would _never_ do that to my kid, he would never hurt anyone but me, and when I took Peter, I told myself that it was okay, because he was dead and he couldn’t do anything to destroy this, but he came here too, and Steve, he’s always going to be there. Oh, God,” she stopped her diatribe long enough to suck in a horrified breath that didn’t help her choppy breathing in the least. “He’s _always_ going to be there, Steve,” she repeated, voice cracking twice. She wrapped her arm around her stomach as if to ward off nausea, her eyes twisting into something desperate and panicked. “He’s always going to be there, even if it’s the ghost of him, and he’s right, I’m going to fuck up with Peter because I’m _just like him,_ Steve, I’m just like my father! Everybody says so, even him! I’m going to…”

“Enough!”

Toni jerked as though she’d been electrocuted, abruptly realizing that Steve had closed the entire distance between them and was now gripping her face between his hands with utmost gentleness, but also an almost wild urgency. His blue eyes were shimmery with a sheen of tears and he looked as out of breath as she felt. 

“Don’t you ever say that to me again, doll,” he told her roughly, a hint of Brooklyn creeping into his voice as he leaned down to press his forehead against hers. “Don’t you _ever_ … Toni, you’re _nothing_ like him...”

“I am, though,” Toni interrupted in a whimper that she would go to her grave denying had ever been made by her. She shook her head, dislodging the comforting contact of his forehead against hers. “I’m no better than him, Steve, I punched him _in front of Peter_. For the rest of his life, my son will know that I’m capable of something like that, and he’s never going to know if I’ll turn it on him. I’m worse than my father, because at least he let me know young that he wasn’t afraid to knock me around. Peter will have to live with the uncertainty.”

Steve let out a strangled sound at her words, but Toni was too wrapped up in the anguished thoughts that it might perhaps be better for Peter to live with a normal, loving family. One that wasn’t contaminated with Stark blood. 

Didn’t she owe him that much?

 

###

 

Steve felt like there was a truck sitting on his chest. 

It had been dropped there the instant that he’d seen Toni hunched over at her mother’s dedication plaque, and it had only gotten progressively heavier at the sight of her red-rimmed eyes, and then her heartbreaking train of thought, which had made Steve thrill for a moment, when Toni had called Peter her son for the second time, but then had come with the realization that she thought herself no better than that _bastard..._

That was the furthest thing from the truth, because Toni Stark was a million times the person Howard could have ever hoped of being, and Steve would have gone to his grave swearing on that even before yesterday. 

But if that wasn’t enough to break his heart, then the shattering confirmation that she’d been abused for that long, had certainly done the trick. 

_“…at least he let me know young that he wasn’t afraid to knock me around…”_

God, how he wished that he’d known this before. Howard’s time in this century could have been so much better utilized with Steve beating the hell out of him. 

But this wasn’t a time for wishful thinking, he reminded himself. This was a time for fixing things. 

And there was a lot that needed fixing, especially if Toni thought for one minute that she was anything like the twisted man her father had let himself become. 

“You’re right,” he rasped, taking a different approach to his usual one and feeling his heart break a little more when his lover only flinched slightly in acceptance. “Peter saw you knock your father flat on his ass. Peter will live the rest of his life knowing you’re capable of that.” Pausing deliberately, he gently urged her face up to look at him. Only when he was sure she was listening, did he continue. “He will live the rest of his life knowing that you’re capable of taking on anyone, even your own father, in order to stand up for him. He will live the rest of his life knowing that there is _nothing and no one_ , in _any_ world, that you won’t stand in front of, to protect him. He will live the rest of his life knowing that you will always defend him, and will never let anyone hurt him, not even family. He will live the rest of his life knowing that if anyone dares to threaten him, you will put them on their asses faster than they can realize what hit them.” Steve allowed every word to resonate with the fierce pride he had felt since the moment he’d realized what and who Toni had been fighting for. For her part, the genius had tears swimming in those beautiful big eyes that he had so often become lost in. 

Unable to bear the sight any longer, he dropped his forehead against hers again, waiting for her eyes to close before he also shut his. Swallowing hard, he finished in a rough voice, “And _your son_ will live the rest of his life knowing that he has the most amazing mother he could ever hope for.”

A choked sound was ripped from her throat at the word ‘ _mother’_ , and suddenly, she was in his arms, silently sobbing into his chest. It hurt him all over again, especially now that he knew why she had learned to cry so quietly, but he resolutely held on to his girlfriend, gathering her tightly against him and murmuring a soft barrage of comforting words into her ear. 

After several long moments, her tears turned to sniffles, but she didn’t move away. “She called me sweet pea.”

“Who did?” he asked, all too happy to keep Toni tucked against his chest. It felt like a piece of himself being returned after having been ripped out the day before; and he never wanted to feel the fear of losing it ever again. 

“My mom.” Steve had expected the answer, but he stayed quiet, sensing that his beautiful genius had something to say. Sure enough, Toni cleared her throat slightly and continued, “She used to call me sweet pea when I was a little girl. It slipped out with Peter, and he thought it was because of his name, so I just never mentioned it.” She hesitated for a second, before blurting out, “But I’m still a Stark, Steve, and that in itself is toxic. What if I do screw him up? What if my dad was right abou-…”

He cut her off by yanking her impossibly closer into his chest. Finally, she looked up at him, and as soon as she did, Steve caught her lips in a deep and possessive kiss. A small noise in the back of her throat made him deepen it, mapping out her mouth with his tongue like he was trying to memorize every detail. His hands were clamped around her waist and hips, proprietary because he could never stop feeling the need to make sure everyone knew that the amazing woman was his and his alone, and he relished every point of contact between her body and his. 

When they absolutely had to come up for air, he pinned darkened blue eyes on her, needing his message to be heard. “Don’t you dare think that Howard Stark has any idea who you are, and what you’re worth, because darlin’, he doesn’t have a single clue.” His eyes were burning with intensity, but Steve didn’t intend to stop before saying everything he’d wanted to tell her yesterday, when he’d heard the words Howard had thrown at her. “Don’t you dare think that you’re the undeserving one in this relationship, because if either of us is, it’s me.” She looked like she was about to interrupt, but a warning squeeze to her hip kept her silent. He continued, “Don’t you dare think that you’re not every last one of my dreams come true, and even more that I didn’t dare to dream of. And don’t you dare think that there is anywhere, or any other time, that I want to be in, more than this one.” He smiled softly down at the love of his life; nuzzled against her temple with utmost gentleness. “Right here, in this moment, with you in my arms, this is exactly where I want and need to be. I wouldn’t ever go back, because this is my home, Toni. _You’re_ my home. I don’t want to go anywhere that doesn’t have you in it.”

Finally – _finally_ – he was treated to a smile. Not a Toni Stark Smile, but a _real_ smile, that one that was soft and affectionate and a tiny bit awed, and usually reserved just for him and the team and, more recently, Peter. But mostly him and Peter. 

_There’s my beautiful dame._

He gave into the urge to steal another kiss – or three – and when they finally pried themselves away from each other (because superheroes arrested for public indecency was something that not even Coulson could spin) Toni wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned back in his arms to look up at him. 

“What made you come all the way out here?” she asked curiously, playing with the ends of his hair in a way that made him happy enough to want to purr. “How did you even know where I was?”

Steve grinned ruefully at the answer to that. “I had a very interesting talk with a very smart four year old,” he explained, after clearing his throat. “Apparently, I’m _‘pretty good at all the daddy stuff’_ but since I was confused yesterday, I was probably also confused today, about some of the other stuff I needed to take care of. Like going with you when you go away so that you don’t have to go alone.” 

Toni’s eyes were dancing with amusement, but the softness underneath it was impossible to miss. It made Steve’s heart constrict, in the same way that it had when Peter had patiently explained to him that as a daddy, he was also meant to make sure that Mommy didn’t have to be alone when she was sad. It wasn’t only the perceptiveness of the kid, or his childish protectiveness of Toni, but it was the way Steve was still so accepted as family, even after his massive mistake yesterday. It was the confirmation that, although Peter had attached himself to Toni, that the mantle of parenthood had also included him. It had given him hope that Toni hadn’t given up on him. 

“Your son,” he added teasingly, aiming to lighten the mood, “thinks that I’m easily confused, and that I need remedial classes.”

Toni laughed, and though it was a slightly hitching one, it was enough, for now. “So he’s my son when he’s cheeky, and yours when he’s an angel?” Before he could answer, she cocked her head to the side, considering. “Actually, that sounds about right.”

“Does it?” he grinned in amusement, lifting Toni off her feet and kissing the juncture between her neck and shoulder just to hear her laugh, and feel her clinging to him. “Does that sound about right to you?” 

They spent the next few minutes playfully roughhousing, Steve doing everything he could to evoke laughter from his girlfriend, and Toni doing everything she could to fend Steve off. As it somehow always did, it ended with them locked in a long kiss, and forcing himself to remember that they weren’t at home, Steve reluctantly broke away. 

Catching her eyes with his, he offered a rough, “I love you, you know?”

“I know,” she replied with a smile, and he could see in her eyes that she believed him. It was enough, for now. “I love you too.” Flicking her head at the bike, she tugged him lightly towards it. “Let’s go home.”

 _I’m already there_ , he thought to himself, smiling as Toni complained lightly about helmet hair even as she pulled his spare one over her head. 

While she was doing so, Steve spared a glance over his shoulder at the statue of the woman he’d never had the honour of meeting, but who he was suddenly a whole lot more grateful to. _Thank you for being a good memory for her_ , he aimed his thought at Maria Stark, hoping that wherever she was, she would hear it. 

Turning back to his girlfriend, he sent her a grin and swung onto the bike in front of her. Her arms wrapped around his middle as soon as he was seated, and picking up one of those hands, he pressed a kiss to her knuckles and pulled on his own helmet to the sound of her laughter. 

It was the best thing he’d heard the whole day. 

 

###

 

Toni Stark was not Mother Material. 

And yes, that was in capital letters, because for as many flaws as she’d had, Maria Stark had always been there for her daughter and was one of a select three people upon whom Toni could count. In doing so, she had instilled a deep appreciation in Toni for the strength, resilience and love of a mother, and in the lifetime that followed, Toni never showed anything but the utmost respect to mothers in general. Mothers – the ones who did their jobs with love – were amazing and wonderful creatures, the truest miracle even in a world that had superheroes. 

Which was how Toni knew, irretrievably, that she was not Mother Material. 

Except maybe, sometimes even geniuses were wrong, because as much as she had believed herself totally unsuited to the monumental task of being a mom, Peter never had. The little boy hadn’t entertained the thought for a single second, that she was unable to be what he needed her to be. 

Steve hadn’t entertained the thought for a single second. 

As they rode home, Toni felt a deep peace settle inside her, the likes of which she’d only ever experienced before the first time Steve had kissed her. Whatever challenges lay in front of her, she was going to handle, because the alternative simply wasn’t an option; losing this, messing this up, simply wasn’t an option. 

And for all that he’d done to her, Toni could still appreciate one lesson that Howard Stark had taught her growing up:

That Starks _never_ failed. 

So she was going to come at this with everything she had. She was going to be the best mother that she knew how to be, and she was going to learn on the fly when she needed to, because this job had been given – entrusted – to her, and Toni wasn’t prepared to be anything less than the best. 

She had Steve. She had her family. She could do this. 

And hey, on the plus side, at least they’d figured out the Mommy quandary. 

It was as good a start as any. 

###

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! I'm thinking of making this into a series around a motherly theme... if anyone might be interested in reading that, please let me know! 
> 
> J <3


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